Nothing Better To Do
by Sovrani
Summary: It's raining, there's nothing on TV, and Artemis and Holly don't know how to make playdoh. So what do they do? Oneoff, R&R.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Artemis or Holly or the song that is used. It's probably copyrighted to PlaySchool. Not that I watch that or anything.

**A/N: **Okay well, it's been... too long. And I haven't written anything in all the time I've been procrastinating. Yes, you may throw things at me now.  
-ducks as heavy objects fly over her head-  
Now, about the story...

This sort of popped into my head after seeing the movie Juno (starring Ellen Page and Michael Cera) and the whole boredom thing made me laugh a little. So I sat up one night a wrote this. I came across it recently, after going through a cleanup of My Documents, and after reading it, I decided to post it.  
It's a little OOC, and it's EXTREMELY unlikely, but I just liked the idea.  
So read it please :-)  
And be warned: There is a reason why this is rated M. I rated it that just to be safe, and I'm sure there's WAYYYYY worse things than this on this site. So yeah. Just making sure that's clear. **  
**

Read on, my sweet muffins.

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**Nothing Better To Do**

It was raining. There was nothing on television. There was nothing to read. Holly despised playing chess, and she wouldn't be much of an opponent anyway. Artemis was sprawled on the couch, flicking through 112 channels, searching for something even vividly entertaining to watch. Holly was lying back with her legs across him, staring at the white ceiling and humming to herself:

"_Rain, rain, go away,_

_Come again some other day."_

With a sigh, Artemis flicked the television off. Holly looked over at him.

"Nothing?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Nothing," he replied grumpily.

Holly looked outside wistfully. The sky was grey and thunder rumbled every few minutes. Lightning flashed when appropriate. Rain, rain, rain.

"So, how long are your parents away for?"

Artemis frowned and scratched his head. "Until tomorrow, at least. The rain has made the roads inaccessible."

"Makes sense," said Holly, and they both fell silent once again, listening to the rain tap, tap, tap on the windows.

"Bleearrrgh," said Holly. "I'm bored."

"So am I," Artemis replied.

There was a pause.

"So… do you want to…?" Holly shrugged, "Cook something?"

Artemis made a face.

"Okay, no, then. Do you want to make Playdoh?"

Artemis looked at her blankly. "I'm not four years old anymore, Holly."

"Did you even play with Playdoh when you were four?"

"No."

"Didn't think so."

"Do you even know how to make Playdoh?"

"No. Are you interested then?"

"No. I was searching for an opportunity to tsk at your lack of Playdoh-making skills."

"And you found an opportunity to do so," Holly poked him in the stomach with her toe. "So tsk all you like."

"Tsk, tsk, tsk," Artemis said, enjoying this playful bantering. "Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk…"

"That's enough. Don't make me hurt you, Arty."

"It's difficult to take you seriously when you call me by my pet name."

"Whatever, Mud Boy. Do _you_ even know how to make Playdoh?"

"No."

"Tsk right back at you, then."

The conversation died down, yet again.

"Want to go upstairs?" Artemis asked.

Holly shrugged and swung herself off the couch. "I guess there's not much more we can do up there than down here."

And they went upstairs.

Holly flopped face down on Artemis' bed. Artemis flopped into his chair. They flopped around some more out of boredom. Holly sat up, her hair slightly ruffled.

"Want to make a fort?" she asked.

"A what?"

"You know, a little house made out of pillows and chairs and stuff."

"Do you really want an answer to that question?"

"Forget it, then, if that's going to be your attitude." Holly flopped onto the bed again. "So… we're here alone until tomorrow, there's nothing on TV, you don't want to cook anything, you don't want to make Playdoh and you don't want to make a fort."

"But we don't even know _how_ to make Playdoh."

"Whatever. But my point remains valid. What should we do?"

There was silence. And the temperature in the room went up a few degrees.

Holly turned away to hide her reddening face. "What are you thinking?"

"Nothing," Artemis said quickly. "You?"

"Nothing."

Silence. Then…

"I can tell you were thinking something," Holly said.

"I wasn't thinking anything."

"You're Artemis Fowl. You're always thinking something. Why did you pause?"

"I didn't. Why did you?"

"I didn't."

"Yes you did."

"No, I didn't!"

"Did."

"Didn't."

"Did."

But they knew what they were both thinking.

"So… what do you want to do?" Artemis asked.

"Nothing!" came Holly's irritated reply.

"Fine! Let's just sit here and stare at the ceiling, then!"

"Okay then, let's do that!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

Artemis flopped onto his bed beside her.

Holly sat up and looked at him. Her face was a little flushed.

There was silence. And Holly broke it.

"Do you want to have sex?"

Artemis blinked. I guess she had known what he was thinking. _Well, why not,_ he thought, _there's nothing better to do._

"Yes," he said, staring her right in the eyes, "I do."

"Okay then," said Holly, looking embarrassed. "Let's do it."

They went to the opposite sides of the room to undress.

Silence greeted them again, only broken by the ruffling of their garments as they were taken off and dropped to the floor and pushed aside.

"You done?" Holly asked, feeling rather naked and exposed, which she was. She rubbed her arm, feeling goosebumps running the length of her skin. Apprehensive goosebumps.

"Yeah," his voice was raspy.

"Turn around on three, then?"

"Sure."

"One…" she swallowed.

"Two…" he bit his lip.

"Three," they said it together and turned.

They took a moment to take in each other's bodies. Artemis, puberty taking over, looked the elf over, and then his eyes stopped in the appropriate places. Holly scanned her friend quickly, determining sizes, and then looked away, feeling as though it was rude to stare.

They stood there awkwardly, their old friend Mr. Silence visiting again.

Artemis cleared this throat. "We should probably do something."

"Yeah," Holly agreed, "We should."

They walked up so that they were standing about two feet apart. Artemis looked Holly up and down. He flashed her a dazzling smile.

"You look great naked."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, I do."

Silence, silence, silence. Broken by the tapping of the rain on the window.

"How are we going to do this?" Holly asked.

"Preferably not standing up," Artemis said, gesturing to his bed, "Shall we?"

Holly got onto the bed, leaning against the headboard and pillows. Artemis started fumbling through his surprisingly messy drawer on his bedside table.

"What are you looking for?" Holly asked.

"Condoms."

Holly blinked. "You have those?"

Artemis nodded and pulled out a box. "Father gave them to me a few months ago. It's never once occurred to me that I'd use them until now."

"I see," Holly said, licking her lips. "But you won't need them. I've been on the pill for a while now."

"Oh."

"It's easier not having to worry about something like that when you're in the LEP," Holly said, by way of explanation.

"Right," Artemis put the box down and climbed onto the bed with her.

"We should probably kiss, or something," He said.

"Or something," Holly agreed.

So they did.

At first the kisses were slow and awkward, but then they became hotter, and more passionate, and Holly put her arms around Artemis' shoulders. After a few moments, they broke apart.

"Is this working?" Holly asked.

"Yeah, I think so."

"I don't have much experience in stuff like this."

"You mean you've never…?"

"No. I've never had any need to."

"I see. Well, I don't have any experience either." Artemis paused.

Holly pushed her hair out of her eyes. "What should we do then? Go with the flow?"

"I think that would be best," Artemis replied, "Maybe we should start kissing again."

So they did.

They kissed some more, and then Holly started leaning backwards, so that Artemis was poised over her. There was a twitch and a sudden intake of air as Artemis slid his hand up her thigh.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Yeah… just a new experience for me, that's all."

"_You_ suggested this, remember."

"We were both thinking it."

"True."

Silence rang in their ears.

"You're really not in the mood for this, are you?" Artemis asked.

"Of course I am! I just need to… get used to things, you know?" Holly replied.

He sighed and rolled off her. "This isn't working."

Holly bit her lip. "Maybe I can try."

"Sure."

"Okay, lie down."

A little later, Holly was down there, doing her thing, and Artemis was feeling _very_ happy. He thrashed around a bit and let out a little moan, and Holly looked up and smiled at him.

"Am I doing okay?"

"You're doing magnificently."

Holly licked her finger, and gave Artemis a stroke. He arched his hips and said something colourful.

"I think this is working," he said.

"No kidding. You're hard as a rock."

"Want to give it another try?"

"Yeah."

So Artemis sat up and they started kissing again, and it felt as though some of the tension had been broken between them. Soon enough, Holly was on her back, sweat on her hairline, and Artemis was kissing her neck.

After a while of this, Holly was feeling more comfortable, and Artemis, sensing this, began to ease her legs apart.

Holly was in a pickle. Half of her wanted to protest, and the other half wanted to… well, she wasn't sure what the other half wanted.

Holly felt something hot and persistent between her legs and Artemis pulled away.

"This is going to hurt," he said.

"I know. Just do it quickly."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure! Just do it."

"Okay then…" and he did it.

Holly resisted the urge to swear or thump something, and did some deep breathing. "Ouch," she said, deciding that an audible response was appropriate.

"I think 'Ouch' is a bit of an understatement," Artemis said.

Holly squirmed a little, and Artemis made a strangled noise in his throat.

The elf bit her lip. "Sorry. Just give me a moment."

Artemis stroked her hair a little, and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Take as long as you need."

Holly squirmed again, and there was less pain this time. Artemis sucked in some air and told himself to cool it, at least until Holly was over this moment of pain.

"Artemis, do you mind if I have the top?" Holly asked. "Only, you're crushing me, otherwise I wouldn't ask."

"Yeah, sure," Artemis said, and flipped them over.

He decided all at once that looking up at Holly was much better than looking down. Holly tilted her head at him. "What is it?"

"Nothing. Just looking at you. How are you feeling?"

"Better. Let's try and do this properly."

There was some movement and two gasps.

"I think it worked that time," Holly said.

"Do that again."

More movement. More gasps. More inventive swearing.

"Holly, watch your language."

"Shut up, Mud Boy," said Holly, and she started kissing him again, and this time she decided that she wouldn't stop. She kissed every inch of him, until her lips were sore, and Artemis' normally pale face was flushed and pink.

This went on for some time, until Artemis made a strange noise.

"What – is - it?" she panted, though she was sure she had already guessed. She was feeling the same.

"I think…"

But he didn't have to say so. They both shuddered and broke out into a hot sweat, Holly shrieked and Artemis started listing the periodic table of elements.

"Chlorine!" he said loudly, and then Holly collapsed on top of him.

They lay there panting for a while, and then Artemis put his arm around her.

"Had enough?" he asked.

"Yeah. Just for now."

"Me too."

They lay there, listening to the rain. And then there was the distinct noise of a car driving up and the crunching of gravel in the driveway.

"Omigod," said Holly.

"Uranium," said Artemis, justifiably.

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**A/N: **And… that's it. Review for me?

Please Note: I know where everything goes, you know, slot B tab A and what happens, but I have just about zero experience with sex. I hope this was realistic.

And if you have any angry questions or rantings about any of my incomplete fics, I'd be happy to answer the questions, or simply sit and listen to your rantings. That's how nice I am ;-)

Sovrani


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